The Socialist Literary Society of Cellar Doors is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Mithrandir with a fair hand, and notable for its punitive income tax rates, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 8.953 billion Cellar Doorsians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Administration, Environment, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arda. The average income tax rate is 95.6%.

The all-consuming Cellar Doorsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,172 trillion Tolkiens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 130,996 Tolkiens, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The overhead luggage compartment is often full, busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets, Cellar Doorsian tourists are encouraged to hand out spare condoms to locals while on vacation, and criminals rejoice in the streets as the entire police force is sent away on a training retreat. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cellar Doors's national animal is the Giant Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cellar Doors is ranked 63,540^th in the world and 3,479^th in Lazarus for Most Valuable International Artwork, with zero Bank.